Perfect Breakdown
by Minibit
Summary: Driving everyone back home from a holiday party, Colonel Mustang's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere - but nothing happens randomly, maybe it's not such a disaster after all.


Edward had never tagged along to the after-after-party before, Roy was worried it would be like annoying to have to deal with a sloshed Fullmetal; the kid was impulsive and loud enough when sober.

The after-after-party was something Hughes had come up with; this was the first year he would not be coming with Roy and Havoc and Breda and the rest of their friends – excluding Hawkeye, who, possessing a second X chromosome, was not invited and didn't care to get rowdy anyway – after the military's sorry excuse for a Christmas party. The group of them usually hit a dance bar down town and hit it hard until it closed. Jean had been the one who asked Ed along; him being legal that year and definitely close enough to those involved to merit an invitation.

Roy had never seen Ed drink; actually he was pretty sure the kid was against alcohol and everything that went with it; something about that "to train the mind, you've gotta train the body" principle. Which was another reason Roy had apprehensions about letting him come along; it would not be half as much fun if Ed decided to be a stick-in-the-mud.

Mostly, however, Roy was uneasy about Ed's presence because neither Roy nor anyone else involved planned on keeping anything in check during their private little hell-raising, and while he usually was pretty good about things, he never really had to worry about what he did under influence with the guys because Jean, Haymans, Vato, even the late Maes all knew or had found out about his bisexuality somehow or other and were fine with it. Which was rare; considering the way the laws still stood sodomy was still a criminal offense in most of the world. However, to the best of Roy's knowledge, Edward still didn't know, and if things happened anything like the year before – well. It'd be awkward enough if he went to work the next morning to find Edward had seen him hitting on men. It'd be even worse if he woke up to be informed he'd been hitting on Edward. Which, if he was being completely honest with himself, was not completely out of the question if his legal and social inhibitions were dissolved. Edward was a good-looking, strong-willed, and intensely... intense individual; Roy was comfortable enough to admit he found that attractive, but - at least while cold sober – he could also realise that Edward was fourteen years his junior and also his subordinate; which meant every rule in every book placed a red flag on the kid.

Trouble was, those flags were REALLY hard to see sometimes.

All of which was why Roy had not protested in the slightest when Breda asked if he wanted to be driver that night. Usually Falman was the one to haul everybody home, but having been transferred out west, he was no longer available for the boring position.

It seemed, however, that his fears were groundless. Edward neither required monitoring, nor was he a wet blanket. By the end of the night, all of them were having a good time, and Edward and Roy were the only ones not falling all over themselves on the way into the car. Except for Jean, who, having disappeared with some brunette, had apparently gotten his own ride.

Breda, on the other hand, definitely needed the lift. Upon trying to step back OUT of the car, he promptly fell on his face. Roy ground his forehead into his palm before putting the car in park and stepping out into the unusually warm, but still snowy, December night. He was beginning to regret being the sober one – why did they all have to live so far from town?

"Thanks, man" Breda mumbled, as Roy nudged the heavy man out of the way of the door before closing it behind him. The falling snow glittered in the light of the window and car headlights, and dusted his black greatcoat a dark gray by the time he slid back behind the wheel. Edward had apparently decided to call shotgun, now that the passenger seat was vacated.

"Second and Dominion, right?" he asked, backing back onto the street. Edward nodded. "Last time I checked" he quipped. "You seem irked."

"He's a lot easier to push around when he's sober and I'm his CO."

Ed laughed, tapping metal fingers against the window as they started down the street.

"This was fun."

"Yeah."

"You seemed kinda out of it at first."

"Lets just say I'm making sure you have a car and a licence by next year; its not half as much fun being the sober one. You're not fond of liquor anyway."

"I'm not. But I didn't want to be a tight-ass and spoil the fun for everybody else."

"How kind of you."

S'just as well it worked out to you driving, though."

"Oh yeah?"

Edward shrugged; a sideways glance told Roy that Ed was engaged in watching the trees pass by the window, and had shifted to face away. "I don't like seeing the people I know when they're liquored up; I lose respect for them. I'm glad that didn't happen with you."

Roy blinked before turning his eyes back to the road, not quite sure what to make of that comment. As it turned out, leaving it silent was fine.

It left his ears free to hear the faint clunking sound from the engine.

"What the-"

KATHUNK.

Iit felt like something reared up from below the hood and smacked an iron fist into the engine; suddenly the tires felt like blocks and Roy tightened his hands to a white-knuckle grip on the wheel as the car screeched to a halt on the side of the road, smoke pouring from under the hood.

"Damnit" Roy cursed, shoving the driver's door open and circling around. He just about burned his hands lifting the hood up again. Once it was up he wondered why he'd bothered lifting it. He barely even drove, much less worked with the actual motor; he didn't even know what was what in there.

"If I may?"

Roy turned aside. Edward had gotten out without his noticing, and was pulling his gloves on.

"You know about engines?"

"I grew up with WINRY"

"Point taken. Have at it, then"

Edward leaned over the smoke, waving it away with his oversized sleeve. He grunted and pulled back, sliding himself under the car instead. "Damn, musta hit something. Your tyrod end's shot to hell."

"In layman's terms."

"Those ARE layman's terms."

Roy felt a muscle twitch under his eye and made a note to sit down with the manual to that rig later.

Edward wore an infuriating smirk when he pulled himself out from under the car "This is the tyrod end" he said, scrabbling about in the slushy gravel and coming up with a knobbly stick. "These are your tires." He stuck a couple mostly broken leaves on the ends.

"This is what happened."

A clap and flash of light later, the stick was twisted into a knot.

Roy groaned, rubbing his temples with two hands. "Great."

"I wouldn't recommend driving it."

"Shit." Roy turned around, leaning against the grill. "I'd say we walk back and use Breda's phone, but its down, I remember him telling me yesterday. Damn."

"I guess we're walking, then."

"More to the point, we're abandoning my car."

"Not like anybody could take it anywhere."

"Can't you alchemize it back to being straight, since you know where things go?"

"Hey" Edward raised his hands defensively as he got to his feet, "I know roughly how it works, not the interior make or the elemental breakdowns; I'm not risking my good limbs!"

"Great."

They stood a moment, soft snow gathering on their heads and shoulders and melting before it hit the inexplicably overheated engine, before Roy started walking.

"At least Breda's closer to town than Feury"

"True." Roy stuck his hands deep into his pockets and craned his head back, watching the sky pass by, stars mingling with snowflakes. "Least it's a nice night."

"Mm, yeah."

The changed proximity startled him, and the older man looked down to find Edward by his elbow, almost too close but somehow not quite. His hair was let down, and the snow had sprinkled the gold with silver, streaming in a glimmering sheen down to his bare shoulders. Not a bad look at all.

Catching himself, Roy dragged his stare forward again.

"So you gonna tag along again next year?"

"Sure. Like I said, this was fun; it's cool to be with you and the others outside of work."

Silence reigned for a few moments before Edward spoke again. "Havoc's hiding a party animal under that laid-back attitude, huh?"

Roy laughed "Yeah, you should've seen him last year. Man's a lunatic"

"Likes to talk"

"Can't get him to shut up"

"Says some interesting things though."

"Oh really?" Roy asked, intrigued.

"Mhm. Told me a silly rumour, probably to mess with my head."

"Oh really?"

"Said you're into men sometimes."

WHAM.

Roy felt his apprehensions slam back into his chest like a load of bricks, or a calmly-worded mallet. He straightened and faced forward, blanking his face and tone with practiced precision.

"Jean just has a big mouth."

"Oh you don't need to worry, he didn't just blurt it out or anything. I all-but asked. Besides between you me and the snow I'm not that crazy about women."

"I don't need to worry because it's not true." Roy reflexed, stumbling over his tongue even as the words left his mouth; this conversation was going far, far too fast. Why in hell would Jean tell him something like that? And why was Ed being so... honest about such a social taboo? And why-

"You're not?"

Roy looked sideways at that; it took him a second to catch up and realise he'd made his denial already. When he saw the younger man's face, he almost swallowed his tongue squashing down the thought that maybe he shouldn't have disagreed. Edward looked genuinely disappointed. But he had to keep going now.

"L-like I said. Jean just has a big mouth-"

"Oh. Well I feel kind of silly now. Keep my secret anyway?"

"S-sure"

They walked in silence for about five minutes before the slight smirk tugging at the corner of Ed's mouth just about burst a vein in Roy's temple. He was opening his mouth to inquire what the hell he was smiling about, but the youth beat him to it.

"You know, Breda said the same thing."

"Christ! Can NOBODY keep a secret in this military?" Roy cried, exasperated

"Then it IS true!" Ed exclaimed with a grin. "Cool. So what's your type?"

"Wait, what?"

"Your type, silly. What do you go for?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Roy lied, facing forward. Despite the falling snow, his face felt hot.

"You don't happen to go for blonds, do you?"

Roy glanced aside again, raising an eyebrow at the suddenly mile-a-minute voice.

Ed was playing with his hair.

Twirling it around one finger, to be exact. And staring at it like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

The stare was probably meant to distract from the absolutely adorable blush creeping over his cheekbones.

"...what."

"That's a yes."

"I – I told you I don't-"

"Like men, sure, well I do and I like you and before you toast me I'd like to ask you one more question and I expect an honest-cross-your-heart answer!"

Roy's mind, apparently, was too busy allocating energy to his rapidly increasing heart rate to give any more to catching up with what was going on; Edward's words were still registering when Edward sped up his pace to be in front of him, and then spun around to step forward; If it had been almost anyone else – anyone less colourful, confident, and handsome, it would have been a little too close for the second time that night. Far, far too close. If it were anyone else.

Roy's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak words that died in his throat when Ed wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him downward to lean his forehead against the older man's. He could feel the cool dampness from the snow in his hair, and the soft brush of gold bangs against his skin with the warmth of breath; no smell of liquor.

"If I kiss you right now am I going to get burned?"

"Edward, you cannot possibly know what you're saying." Roy breathed, wondering if someone had slipped acid into his drink or something; this couldn't be happening, it defied all rules of possibility; luck was never on his side to THIS degree.

"I definitely do."

"You're not thinking clear." Edward dropped his arms and let Roy straighten, stepping backward. The distance should have helped get his thoughts solidified from their puddle, but it didn't.

"I am not drunk if that's what you're saying; Impulsive, mildly buzzed, and gambling a good bit, but not drunk."

"Lets just get you home, Ed. I'll play nice and pretend nothing happened here." Shakily, he started walking forward again.

"water, thirty-five litres, carbon; twenty kilograms, ammonia, four litres, lime, one point five kilograms"

Roy turned, Edward was still standing still, fists by his sides, eyes closed.

"phosphorus, eight hundred grams, salt, two hundred fifty grams, saltpetre, one hundred grams, sulphur, eighty grams, fluorine, seven point five grams, iron, five grams, silicon, three grams and trace amounts of fifteen other elements that you know damn well nobody could remember the names of if their lives depended on it. Do you want me to recite the scientific table, too? Cause I'll do it."

"My god."

"Just Edward will do."

"You're such a smartass"

"Roy Mustang I am thinking clearer than ever I have; unless of course," he took a tentative step forward. Roy stayed still. "You want to shove me away again, in which case I am totally sloshed out of my head right now and will remember nothing tomorrow."

"This is crazy"

"Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why?'" the darker haired colonel replied, exasperated more at the heat he felt spreading over his face than at the calm youth before him

"I mean 'why'. It's a fair question; I happen to prefer men, and you're bisexual, right? Like I said; I find you attractive, in more ways than one and I'd like to pursue that; I should probably be taking a hint by now but I want to hear flat-out: yes or no?"

"B-but-" Roy scrambled for words that usually came so smooth and easy, it didn't work out so well. There had to be a trick; some way the kid was pulling his strings, "Do you have any idea how many kinds of illegal that is?"

"Wouldn't be the first time I've bent the rules. You, too."

"And do the words 'age difference' mean ANYTHING to you?"

"Not really, no."

"Good."

Roy got two steps before Edward met him halfway and dragged him willingly down by the collar.

TASTE exploded through his mouth; he'd never dared to dream it could be that good, that the kid would taste like a summer ocean's surf; all smooth and warm and green and salt and sun and something soft and untraceable that kept him craving more until he didn't care if he never found the surface again. Metal and soft skin fingers carded through his hair; and reminded him of touch. Sensation poured through him as he tried as rapidly as he could to map out every curve, every line and smooth dip, inside and out.

And it wasn't enough.

The feeling of the knees of his pants getting soaked through with slush when they hit the ground barely registered, but Edward using his new height advantage certainly did. Streaks of hot sun blazed through his veins and blurred his vision when Edward moved to the crook of his neck, the night air which had seemed warm before slicing coldly back into his lungs, diluted by the erratic breaths falling against his neck. "Hmmm" he wrapped his arms around the slim frame pressing against him, closing his eyes. "Best. After-ah! -After party, ever." He had to catch his breath back when teeth nipped gently over his pulse, which was probably putting hummingbirds to shame.

"You know," Edward ventured, and Roy couldn't help but smirk to hear the breathlessness in the blond's voice, "if we went back to the car we could be at my place in like fifteen minutes."

"Car's wrecked" Roy reminded him, gently unravelling the gold braid hanging between his shoulder blades.

"I can fix it, and while kissing you in the snow is nice and all, I don't have sleeves so-"

"You can what." Roy pulled himself backward, hands on Ed's shoulders. The youth was avoiding his eyes.

"Yeah, the wreck thing? That was kinda me."

"... you sabotaged my car."

"Well if I'd said all that in a moving vehicle you would've just kicked me out on reflex!"

"Fair point but you sabotaged my car!"

"I can get it back!"

"You'll make it look tacky."

"It'd be an improvement."

"You are so lucky I love you."

He stayed where he was long enough to watch Edward's eyes fly open wide before returning to his rich blond undersea paradise of pure unadulterated sensation. Just for a quick visit; just to steal a swirl around the caverns of his mouth and run hands once through the unfurled length of hair.

After all, there was a lot of lost time to make up for, but he guessed it could wait fifteen minutes.


End file.
